At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
