So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
