need another drink. this is the easiest way
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
