Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
