Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pants are for mortals
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Panties = found
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
