I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
