Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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