i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
