in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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