I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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