i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
