Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
