you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
