I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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