i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
