I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
