Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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