We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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