he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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