Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You took a bar mat shot.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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