Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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