I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
