you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
