i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
