i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
