did you get engaged???
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
