so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
