i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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