NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
