I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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