so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
