We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
