I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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