i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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