you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
