i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
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I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
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I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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