I am spending my child support on dildos
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Randomize
