she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
