Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
