I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
