i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
