forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
