Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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