Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
