The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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