So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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