There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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