I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have aggressive nipples.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
