ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
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there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
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Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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