I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
