GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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