I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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