I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
