Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
