My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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