And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
