i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
