I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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