Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
