Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
