Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
