dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
