Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
