im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
