I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
