Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All the doctor said was why
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
