well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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